Russian Roulette
by JaneVolturi96
Summary: .:And I know at this point that you can see my heart beating inside my chest as far back as the horizon. As the cool barrel touches my temple my mask is broken. I'm no longer hard and cold. I'm terrified. All he needs to do is just pull the trigger:.


**A/C: OH MY GOD IF YOU DON'T READ THIS STORY WHILE LISTENING TO THE SONG**_ "Russian Roulette" by Rihanna _**I WILL KILL YOU! Thats the whole reason it's called Russian Roulette (the story not song). Cause I made it up (story not song) when I was listening...to the SONG!**

**My ending for Mocking Jay which came out...an hour ago lol. Well, I hope to god this isn't the actual ending. Otherwise I'm screwed lol. **

**p.s. you may also note I used things from the song in the story. That is to show where the song is supposed to be at the time of reading. I know you may need to pause the song but PLEASE trust me it is much more epic with the song in the background. And if you have never heard the song, listen to it first then listen to it again with the story.**

**It is late and i am going to bed cause I have a date with a hottie tomorrow. No joke. (:**

**~Jane**

* * *

_This has to be a dream...please dear God let it be a dream..._

_Just don't open your eyes Katniss..._

_No Katniss open them. Be a big girl and open your eyes._

_No! Keep them shut...it'll all go away if you just keep them shut..._

I hear the cylinder of the revolver spin, my eyes slowly open, and my heart starts beating again.

_Boom. Ba boom. Boom. Ba boom. Boom. Ba boom. Boom. Ba Boom._

_Oh._

The sound reverberates through my body. Sweat drips down my face as the sweltering sun sinks into the afternoon sky. I look up and try to peer into it's blazing glory but I can barely get my eyes past the horizon it is so bright. So instead I settle for looking straight ahead.

My mask is hard as are my eyes. I grind my teeth and hope they can hear their harsh sound. I let my hands, feet, limbs, lungs, heart, become cold with my yearning for my life and my hatred towards everyone here.

I look out over the crowd of thousands. Television crews broadcasting this over the country stand at the front of the stage on which I am standing. Capitol people stand after them, their colorful hair and fake eyelashes and bejeweled ears one big mass of color and headache. I take in a shaky breath and close my eyes wishing they would all go away; this would all just go away...

I open my eyes.

My emotions show no change. Emotions? What emotions? I have none. Nor will I have any this entire time. They do not deserve my emotions. I look down to the very front of the stage where Cinna stands with Portia by his side. They are bound with metal bracelets and have two guards each holding them on their knees. They look up at me with the same face. And I know that they know. They know that it is our time. Our time to live? Our time to fight? Our time to die? You decide. But all I know is that it is our time for...something.

In a few minutes, they too will be executed for conspiracy and crimes against the Capitol. The only difference is that they will be executed via firing squad. Me? No I'm past the point of a firing squad.

No, I have the honor of execution by President Snow himself.

I turn my head to look at him. He stands there in his tailored suit white hair slicked back, ice blue veins leading to his frozen heart popping out over his hands. In his palm is a small silver revolver with the cylinder open. I know this type of gun. Haymitch has one exactly like it. In fact my father had one. They aren't exactly hard to come by. Just about every house has one. It's the bullets that are hard to get and illegal.

As he snaps the cylinder back into place and looks at me.

I take one long, shaky deep breath.

"Well, Katniss Everdeen...Are you ready?"

I look around the crowd once more and know that my emotionless mask isn't going to hold.

He walks towards me with the gun in his palm. The gun that looks like Haymitch's...

_Haymitch..._

I look out and scan the crowd, ignoring the president for a moment, but knowing that they wont be there. And for that I am thankful. Thankful that my mother, and sister, and Gale, and Haymitch, and Peeta are nowhere near here and not about to face a firing squad. They are not about to die. Unlike me.

_Peeta..._

Tears sting my eyes but do not fall. Thinking of him brings back the last thing I said to him...at the time, I didn't know thats what it would be but now...now I wish I had said something else. Not, "I'll be safe, quit worrying. You're going to give me gray hair."

For some reason, that just doesn't seem right to me.

"Calm yourself." He whispers in my ear and for a moment I swear I hear Peeta's voice. But the stench of blood and moth balls brings me back to reality. Back to this stage. Back to President Snow. Back to that revolver.

His face is inches from mine. I feel his sickly warm breath on my ear and I am aware of my heartbeat once again.

_Boom. Ba boom. Boom. Ba boom._

"This is it Katniss. After three years, here we are, where we both knew it would end." He is smiling. I can feel it. I also feel like I am going to be sick.

"How I have enjoyed watching you grow. From the time when you entered my competition to when you began the Second Rebellion of District 13 to now...but I'm afraid your time is up." He pops his 'p' and wetness lands on my neck. I want to reach up and wipe it off but find that I can't. My muscles won't listen to me. I'm frozen where I stand.

"You're playing for keeps now, girly." He whispers sadistically. I dig my fingernails into my palms to keep my arms from shaking till I feel the warm tingle of my own blood run down my hands. Then, he does something unexpected but strategic to his plan of thwarting the rebellion.

He holds the gun out to me.

I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I should reach for it but some part of my brain is warding me away from it as if it were white hot. I look into his icy eyes that match his heart and feel my mask start to crumble.

"Take the gun..." He whispers so quietly I can barely hear. "And count to three."

A drop of sweat falls from my nose onto the revolver as I look down upon it and I expect it to sizzle when it makes contact. But it doesn't and that throws me off. I gaze at it until my gaze of disgust turns to longing. How I would like to be able to end this all on my own...not having to worry about the President or a firing squad or a stranger doing it for me anymore...how it must feel to have total control over your own life for once...how it must feel to have the power to end...it...all...

I set my jaw and look back ahead.

People in the crowd gasp. They shiver. Some even scream. But I stand unaffected. I am not giving in to his ploy. If I kill myself, the rebellion dies with me. I didn't start the rebellion, it was inevitable. I just gave it the push it needed. The mocking jay gave it the push it needed. But I will not end it either. Which is why Cinna dressed me for this occasion as none other than myself. Today, the mocking jay will not die. Katniss will. The symbol of the rebellion and freedom will not die. Just me. The mocking jay's death would end it all. But my death would go unnoticed. I plan to live, fight, and die, for once and for all, as me.

President Snow growls and steps back. And I know at this point that you can see my heart beating inside my chest as far back as the horizon. As the cool barrel touches my temple my mask is broken. I'm no longer hard and cold.

I'm terrified.

But looking back on my life and everything I have gone through, I'm not leaving. I'm not choosing the easy way out of this. I will pass this test. This is something I have to do.

All he needs to do is just pull the trigger.

* * *

"Move! Out of my way! Get! Move!"

I watch as Haymitch and Peeta shove their way through the mile long crowd towards the stage where it appears Katniss and President Snow are talking. But I know that's not the case.

I shove aside a grungy looking mother and her two children, no room for etiquette now. Haymitch bellows at some man standing in his way and ends up pushing him down anyway before turning and shouting back, "Finnick, you coming?"

I suck in some more air and instantly let it out. It's too hot and humid to relieve my aching lungs. The crowd stretches on and we are at the back of it.

"We're not going to make it!" I yell back, pushing on anyway.

"Hurry!" Peeta yells, a good forty feet in front of us. I pull up beside Haymitch and start pushing through people again, following in the rough sketch of a path Peeta has left us. "She hasn't got much time!"

"You're right," Haymitch growls to me, sticking something metal in his teeth and pulling out a silver revolver and opening the cylinder. He drops the metal thing inside one of the holes. "We probably won't make it in time to save her."

"Than what are we doing?" I grab a kid by the scruff of his neck and pull him backwards out of our way.

He doesn't look at me. He just takes more bullets out of his pocket and drops them in.

* * *

A light flashes and I flinch back eratically. I'm suddenly jumpy and frightful like a rabbit. My breathing is irregular and I can't see straight. I take another deep breath. I debate praying but I honesty doubt that will help me now. So instead, I think of Prim and whisper in my head that I love her, and I hope she hears me.

The barrel is not connected to my temple anymore which in some ways helps, in others doesn't. It's just prolonging the inevitable and I can't stand it. I want to scream kill me already but I can't find the strength to say that.

President Snow is shining the barrel like he is about to mount the thing. I can hear him but I can't see him. I am looking out into the faces of the Capitol. There are too many...

"Close your eyes." He says softly, easily. Chiding, almost soothing. "Sometimes it helps." And from the tone of his voice I can tell he has seen this situation before. And this brings on a whole new wave of thoughts. I suddenly am not so optimistic about the rebellion and I finally understand why not many people are either. The face that President Snow is here, shinning that barrel, standing by me, in front of the Capitol, right here, right now, means he has never lost.

I keep my eyes open.

* * *

"How hard is it to move?"

"Get out of my way!"

"Come on!"

We are struggling harder to reach her now. The crowd is only thicker and more tightly woven the closer we get. And we are still far away.

"How good a shot are you?" I say over to Haymitch. The murmuring of people is quiet, but deafening all at the same time so I can barely hear his reply.

"Not very." He says barreling through more people. My skin sticks to my shirt with sweat. This is too hard and we are moving much to slow for the effort we are putting forward. We aren't even half way there yet.

"Great." I mutter. I grunt and keep going.

* * *

"Are you sure?" He holds the gun out towards me one last time. I look at it once, and shake my head silently fighting back the tears. He sighs, almost resigned sounding. "Fine." He says. "We will end this your way."

As I hear the sound of the gun cocking, I whimper silently and pray that my mother and sister aren't watching this on television. I pray that they will not get caught. And as I think about them, I see my life flash before my eyes. My father, the mine, Gale, the boy with the bread, taking care of my sister, hating and loving my mother, the Hunger Games, Haymitch, the Avox girl, everything. It all flashes by once. All the laughs, the tears, the nothing, the everything. And I suddenly realize that this morning, was my last. This was my last sunrise. And I will never again see a sunset after this one...

* * *

"Hold on Katniss, hold on!" Peeta whispers. Its almost silent where we are now and almost impossible to work our way through. Haymitch has resorted to showing his gun which is speeding things up significantly. Halfway there yet...

* * *

And all the people I know...the little friends I have and the even littler family I have back in District 13. So many won't ever say goodbye...

I start to quiver.

* * *

We're almost there. We can distinctly see Katniss and the President and his gun and the guards behind them both. Peeta is clambering along and Haymitch has to push him to keep him going fast enough. "Hang on girl..." I say under my breath as we near the stage.

* * *

"Katniss Everdeen, are you ready?" President Snow asks. And as I look into the setting sun I realize that it is too late to think of the value of my life.

Rough hands of the guards grip my shoulders and push me onto my knees as the tears I've been holding back spill forth. They are not tears of pleads or desperation. They are tears of fear and hate.

The barrel touches my temple and I cry out softly. It is cold. As I look out over everyone, through my blurry tears I see Cinna and Portia crying and some commotion a little ways back. Someone has probably fainted.

He twists the gun around so the barrel digs into my skin. I cry out again but not as loud. I'm so scared but I'm not moving. He will not find pleasure in this. I will not sob for him. I will not beg for him. I will just sit here and silently cry for everyone else but him.

* * *

"C'mon...c'mon...c'mon..." I whisper. Katniss is on her knees and we are stuck. Haymitch just can't flash his gun this close, we would be spotted by guards. It's a miricle we haven't been spotted already but they are probably too into what is going on a hundred yards a head of us.

About forty yards ahead are Cinna and Portia and a few other District 13 rebels who are to be executed by firing squad.

"Do something!" Peeta grasps as Haymitch's shirt as I try to hold him back as to not make a scene. He struggles but I keep my hold.

"Dammit!" Haymitch cocks the gun and points it up at the President. "Shit you'd better pray I'm a better aim drunk than sober."

* * *

I lean my head back and silently cry to the twilight sky. He will wait until the light has all but faded from the earth to fire his gun into my skull. I've seen his executions before but it is rare that he personally performs them. I guess I'm just lucky.

I bite my lip until I taste blood. This is a nightmare I cannot wake up from; one that even Peeta can not subdue.

I look back out into the crowd as a glint of something metalic flashes me in the eye. I can feel President Snow gripping the trigger tighter. This is it.

* * *

"This is it." Haymitch whispers. I look over to my left to see three guards trying to move over to us. But their attempts are as impossible as ours were. I look over to the right and see the same thing. I look down at Peeta. He has noticed to.

"Not to rush you or anything but..."

* * *

The last light is fading from the sky. Any moment now. The whole worlds seems to have gone silent. Even the birds have stopped singing and the crickets have not started up their tune yet. Everyone is holding their breath, waiting.

Including me.

With my heart beating so loud I'm sure people think it is a drum, I take one last look at the sunset and close my eyes.

"Just pull the trigger."

* * *

Haymitch's grip tightens.

* * *

President Snow's grip tightens. And in the last few seconds of daylight I wait for the inevitable.

_Boom. Ba boom. Boom. Ba boom. Boom. Ba boom. Boom. Ba boom._

* * *

_POW!_

_

* * *

_**A/C: I'll let you figure that one out (:**

**p.s. if the song wasn't at POW when you read POW you fail x3**

**~Jane**


End file.
